"Sweet Dreams"
Oil painting on linen (30"x40") From the archives
"This painting was done from a photo of my granddaughter, Macy, when she was nine years old. She will be nineteen in August. Macy was asleep on our overstuffed living room sofa, not this brass bed. She did have bangs but her hair is brown and straight. The only thing true to the photo was my favorite orange afghan."
"After reading Bill Whalberg's blog a while ago, http://billspaintingmn.blogspot.com, I am inspired to write also. My Beloved Karl died August 13, 2010 and it's been ten and a half months. Concentrating is still hard and makes painting difficult. For several weeks now, I have been eliminating everything superfluous in this house and in my life. I'm obsessed with giving away, throwing away and have made umpteen trips to the Salvation Army drop-off. Last Friday, I listed the house for sale. It certainly isn't the best time to sell but it's time to be pro-active in getting through this season of grief. Now that I've decided to sell the house, I wonder if that was the reason I was (and still am) so overwhelmingly obsessed with the clearing out of so many things. My Inner Spirit assures me I am doing the right thing but the sadness persists. I have to force myself many times not to think of my Beloved Karl because the tears are still so close to the surface.
Writing down some things helps and one thing (along with many others) that came to mind was "I must fully accept, mentally and emotionally, that Karl cannot be with me and I will be at peace with that. Others have come through aching grief and sadness . . . . I will too."
It's shameful to me that I am still not functioning emotionally very well."
8 comments:
Nora this has been along and difficult time for you. I hope you can find peace soon... Hugs my friend.
A touching painting and a beautiful post. YOur work is beautiful and I'm glad I found your blog. I hope like Susan that you will find peace and make it through this trying time.
Nora, I was surprized to read my name on your blog, thank you!
I have been bottling up my thoughts and feelings about this past year.
I was raised not to talk about this
as it will make people uncomfortable.
But I rebelled so much in most areas of my life, it's only fitting that I rebel on "hushing up" about this also.
I think it will be more healing to get it all to the surface! Feelings and emotions should be free to fly as eagles do.
There are alot of eagles inside, and they need to be free.
I have had to let many material things go. It's sad, but on the flip side, I'm giving these things new life by letting go.
It also helps me not to have clutter, in and outside of my thinking.
Muli-tasking isn't good right now.
I need to handle whats in front of me, one thing at a time.
As I do this, it lightens the load.
It also gives direction and purpose.
Time is our friend if we use it as best as we can. Time is what we really have that is ours.
I used to cram every bit I could into a small amount of time. Today
that may be not the way to think.
Everything has changed. Rules I had
are now in question.
I want to do more than survive, I want to flourish. But how?
These are the seeds for tomarrow. I will be patient to see what God
has for me. I know it is good.
Hope this helps you some way. I hope you don't mind my rambling on.
I'm letting eagles fly free best as I can.
May I say your painting "Sweet Dreams" is exceptionally wonderful!
You are an inspiration Nora! Thank you for creating/painting this.
I hope to paint my grand daughter and grandson some day also.
Susan, your e-mail (epistle) to me means more to me than you could possibly know. Thank you, thank you . . . your spirit certainly touches mine.
Crystal, thank you so much.
Bill, please keep telling it like it is. I need to hear your thoughts and how you're getting through this. Somehow, it lets me know (and I'm sure many others) that grief is just what it is and it's awful. We didn't choose it but it happened to us and we have to find our own way through it. Sharing really helps me.
For so long I used to say my husband was doing ok but he is very fragile. Now those words could be said about me. The difference is our loved ones couldn't get well, but, I know in my inner most Being, I will be well again. You will too, Bill.
There is no getting around the grieving process. We have to go through it but It does hurt that so many avoid us as we grieve. I'm sure if they knew what we know and endure, they would not pull away. But, who could wish this on anyone.
Nora,
Beautiful painting and I just wished I lived close enough to be of some help and comfort to you. Please know I am thinking of you and that I hope you find those "happies" in whatever way you can. Take care of yourself...Hugs to you:)
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